When I was in High School, I’d go to the arcade every week while my brother went to music practice. It was a sort of home away from home for those that had a passion for video games. Fighting game secrets, pinball free games and co-op shooting made the minutes pass like seconds. Those good times vanished away though when arcades across the US closed, and left only Buck Hunting at bars, or a few family friendly titles surrounded by shitty pizza and toddlers. When I went to Tokyo the joy of the arcade revisited my life. Every subway exit led to a new arcade and often a few blocks away, even more arcades existed. I’m still envious of that sort of setup, but having a new arcade in NH certainly helps.

The Pinball Wizard Arcade opened January 12th in Pelham NH. To my friends and I, it was obvious that we had to go on opening week. I was excited, but I kept my expectations in check. Almost all of the arcades that I’d been to in recent years had a small selection, no games past the eighties, or saw nearly every machine broken. So more often than not, going to a modern arcade in the US was more a grim reminder of the state of arcade gaming in the US, then a happy reminder of how great an arcade truly can be.

That’s why I was pleasantly surprised by how good The Pinball Wizard is, even in it’s early days. As the name implies, they have tons of pinball machines under their roof ( over 70 in fact), but they also have hundreds of arcade machines. But all that is just numbers, what I liked about The Pinball Wizard was their range. They have units from every decade and even some imports. This is important to me, as US arcades never surprise in this era. The fact that I played a few machines that I’ve never seen before was seriously cool, and unexpected. I played a Korean mini-game cabinet that had you controlling babies, a moment later I was playing an excellent Sailor Moon brawler.

Don’t worry though if you’re a more casual arcade goer, The Pinball Wizard also has tons of classic games and at least one cabinet that represents every genre. This is good, since a good number of the crowd on the day I went were older customers that probably haven’t been to an arcade in decades. But there were also lots of kids, so it’s a smart move on the arcade owner’s part to include more recent releases as well.

The arcade owner told me that another room and more machines will be up and running soon, so this is only the beginning. That’s good news for me and real gamers, as the arcade is already a great gaming destination. I selfishly hope for more recent Japanese releases to be imported into the arcade and more brawlers and music games, but even if none of those desires come to pass, The Pinball Wizard will be a regular hang out for me and my friends, and I hope to see you there as well.

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Character: Yoshi

Condition: Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Have you ever wondered why Yoshi wears boots, but no pants? It’s because the silly dinosaur can’t stop shitting himself. So legendary is his crapping ability, that the game Yoshi’s Island completely revolves around him throwing egg-shaped poos at enemies. I know what you’re thinking ‘he’s just throwing eggs, not feces’, well how do you explain the fact that male dinosaurs don’t lay eggs? Truthfully I can’t explain why his giant turd balls are that color, but that’s probably due to some other medical ailment. Maybe crapping egg-shaped, multi-colored shits is what really killed off the dinosaurs.

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Character: Tails

Condition: Polycaudal

Polycaudal means “many tailed” and Tails sure fits that genetic disorder. This sort of birth defect was likely caused by his mother’s insatiable cocaine addiction. After both of his parents died of a drug overdose, Tails was left searching for a Father figure. He’s grabbed onto Sonic to fulfill this role and despite Tails being much slower and falling into cliffs, he still chases after the blue blur. It’s worth noting that actual animals with polycaudal have never been known to use their multi-tails to helicopter themselves around. Keep that in mind before you throw one of the freaks of nature off a cliff side. Some Sonic fan artists seem to think that Tails has polycaudal just to fulfill his and Sonic’s kinky homosexual love affair. This is probably entirely true, but Sega has yet to have the balls to actually address it in a Sonic game.

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Character: Kratos

Condition: Vitiligo

Vitiligo is a depigmentation of the skin that is most well known for bleaching Micheal Jackson to a ghost-like skin tone. Like Micheal Jackson, Kratos thinks he’s bad and also has an abusive dad. Rather than take out rage about this condition on desperate women or molestable children, Kratos channels it into something more productive, like killing every living thing he runs across. Kratos tries to hide his bone white skin with cool tribal tattoos and really cool chain blades, but it doesn’t prevent everyone from realizing that he’d probably glow in the dark.

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Character: Max Payne (and countless other game characters)

Condition: Drug Addict

I think nearly everyone reading this has probably taken pain killers at one point or another. But an Extra Strength Tylenol Gel-Cap (those are so good) every once in a while, when you’re feeling brainily mutilated is one thing, but the way Max uses them is entirely different. Consider the fact that several times per level (which usually takes place over a few floors of a building), Max is popping entire bottles of pain killers. Not just one or two, or the “I don’t care what the box says” three or four, this guy is scarfing down bottle after bottle. The guy is so high, that he thinks everything is moving in slow motion, and he can’t stop having dreams where he walks on blood trails in space and repeatedly watches his wife die. It would be a little better if he was a fun addict, but if he’s not crying about his murdered wife, he’s putting a slug between your eyes.

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Character: Daxter

Condition: Furry

Normally being a furry isn’t a medical condition, but when the fur suit is real, it’s an entirely different story. Daxter started out as a sexually frustrated nerd who had no luck with women, and was generally hated by everyone else. He “accidentally” falls into a pit of Dark Eco and becomes a short furry ottsel. He must have known that all of the elf chicks were only rejecting him because they were sexual deviants, because as soon as he’s a furry, his luck with women changes. Sure, he still gets turned down a lot, but the makeout meter gets turned up at least a hundred percent from when he was a hideous elf. This lesson was bestowed to gamers by the developers, because they themselves are furries. That’s why they named the company Naughty Dog after all.

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Character: Bonk

Condition: Macrocephaly

When someone’s head is overly enlarged, it’s called macrocephaly. Considering that you could fit two to three Bonk sized bodies just inside his skull, he definitely has this medical condition. There is a sort of chicken or the egg situation happening here though. Does Bonk have a grossly oversized noggin because he bashes it into everything he runs across, or does he smash his head into everything because he has water on the brain and probably needs a helmet? It’s really hard to tell, given that cavemen all typically sound like grunting special ed students to begin with. Whether his head is enlarged due to birth, damage or disease, he angrily uses that bulging cranium to destroy everything in his path. It does make it sort of hard to make fun of someone’s appearance when they’re plummeting head first at you, and are certain to crack you in two. So it’s an effective defense mechanism, whether it be to keep emotional or physical pain away.

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Character: Gunrock

Condition: Erectile Dysfunction

Gunrock is a big guy, with a terribly embarassing name, given that he has boner problems. But apparently no over the counter solutions work for him, so he has to enter a fighting tournament and attempt to collect ancient Power Stones. Once he does that, he turns rock hard, but sadly, only for about thirty seconds. It appears that Gunrock’s ED is really bad, or he has stamina issues. While other fighter’s enter the tournament and harnass the might of the Power Stones to rule the world, or become invincible, he just wants to keep a woody (if you’re thinking Toy Story, you’ve misunderstood). Due to a misunderstanding of what he wanted though, most think he wants to collect the Power Stones to win at Poker.

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Character: Amy Rose

Condition: Erotomania

Erotomania is a mental disorder where the sufferer has delusions that someone is in love with them, despite the facts clearly pointing to the opposite. There’s no better example of this than Amy Rose. She’s been trying to get up on Sonic ever since she was introduced in the series, yet Sonic has spent more time signing an autograph for someone, than acknowledging that Amy actually exists. She still has her wedding dress picked out though, and is sure that Sonic just doesn’t show up to dates, or exhibit any sort of interest because he’s absent minded. I’m sure  we’re only one or two Sonic games away from a Misery sort of situation, and when Amy eventually guts Sonic and wears his face as a mask, know that the signs were there all along, and none of you tried to help your speedy blue friend.

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Character: Birdo

Condition: Gender Identity Disorder

I’m not sure anyone actually knows what gender Birdo is, Birdo itself and certainly Nintendo don’t. Some games list Birdo as a man that wishes he was a woman, others list him as a woman, then later games list him as a man again! At one point Birdo convinced Yoshi that he was a girl and they had a torrid love affair, but shortly after Birdo revealed that he was in fact a man in the Captain Rainbow game. Yoshi was so emotionally impacted, that he didn’t show up playable in a Mario game for quite some time. In summery, much like several visitors of 4chan, Birdo seems to just be an attention seeking trap, with a mouth that is constantly shaped in an “O” due to non-stop muffler buffing.

No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle (Wii)

If Kill Bill, Metal Gear, Otaku no Video and Star Wars had a bastard child, the No More Heroes series would be their baby boy. It’s hardly surprising that a sequel to an oft ignored title got little to no attention, but it doesn’t make it any less of a travesty. While the first No More Heroes had half-baked open-world elements, the sequel sticks to the action and boss fights that made the first game so charming. Some people may be turned off by Travis Touchdown’s gleefully murderous attitude, but most of these assassins have it coming. No More Heroes 2 continues to prove that if done right, motion controls can really add to an action game and it’s one of the best hardcore games on the Wii. Suda 51 is more concerned about what’s cool than what sells and  I love his punk rock game design.

Resonance of Fate (360, PS3)

When I did a video for this game (our most popular video, by the way), I said that Resonance of Fate had the same goal as Mass Effect, with an opposite conclusion. Both titles want to mix the best of the Action and RPG genres. Mass Effect did this by layering RPG elements on top of an action game. Resonance of Fate on the other hand does this by taking all the cool acrobatic and bullet ballet elements of a Max Payne or Devil May Cry and having them executed in a very RPG way. Sure there is some twitch here, but most of the time you just need to hit a button to make your character do something cool. For those that want all the craziness of an action game without the button mashing, Resonance of Fate works. Beyond just bringing unique gameplay, it also has beauty (despite being set in a dystopian future), the graphics really match up with some of the best in the genre this gen. If you like action RPGs like Star Ocean or the Tales series and want your heroes to trade out swords for guns, Resonance of Fate is worth a look.

Red Steel 2 (Wii)

The first Red Steel sold tons of copies just based on the promise of motion controlled sword fighting. The sequel actually delivered that, along with a more unique setting and stylized graphics. Unfortunately a better game doesn’t mean as good or better sales. Red Steel completely got ignored by most gamers, despite the fact that it was arguably the best game to play with Wii Motion Plus. A sequel only in name, Red Steel 2 had a new setting, art style and re-invented gameplay. It also had big set pieces and a real sense of place, which is something not enough games developed for Wii attempt to accomplish. While it’s unlikely that there will ever be a Red Steel 3, I’m happy that Ubisoft tried to make good with gamers with this sequel. Their efforts are appreciated by those that gave the game a try.

Nier (360, PS3)

A male demon possesses a girl, turning her into a hermaphrodite. A spell book yells at you in a British accent. Your main character is uglier than Frank West. Nier is a weird game. But considering how many RPGs try to have the same story and setting, this certainly isn’t a bad thing in my eyes. Featuring an engaging story, fun sword and sorcery combat and a great soundtrack, this game would have been a huge hit in the nineties. But in a world where JRPGs are regularly ignored for being more of the same, a JRPG that legitimately tried to be different still got ignored. It makes it tough to take any of gamer’s criticisms seriously when chance takers are met with empty wallets. Luckily for Nier though, despite its low sales, it’s built an impressive cult following that will likely have it talked about for years to come.

Lost Planet 2 (360, PS3, PC)

Lost Planet 2 is a better and worse game than the original. If you wanted more of what Lost Planet 1 delivered, Lost Planet 2 will likely be a disappointment to you. Capcom took the Vital Suits, thermal heat and pirates of the original and brought them into Lost Planet 2, but changed almost everything else. To those that have played Monster Hunter, it’s easy to see that Lost Planet 2 attempts to be the gun-toting Western aimed answer to that franchise. It mostly succeeds too! The biggest co-op campaign I’ve ever played allows you and 4 friends to go in and try to take on all sorts of multi-story monsters and mech driving psychopaths. The game launched with some seriously hardcore limitations (die at part 3 of a 3 level mission and you have to go back to the start), but they listened to fans and patched the game, fixing nearly every complaint. By that time though, most fans of the first had written off Lost Planet 2 and that’s a shame because it’s one of the best co-op experiences I’ve ever had and a typical level in Lost Planet 2 plays out in such a grand way, that it seems like a last boss encounter. Now found on the racks for under ten dollars new, the failure of Lost Planet 2 is one of the saddest moments in gaming for me this year.

Alan Wake (360)

Maybe Alan Wake took too long to come out, but it seemed like all of the excitement for the game had drained away by the time it actually released. That’s a shame, because it adeptly mixes survival horror, adventure and action into a Stephen King-esque story and setting. The format of different episodes perfectly fit the style of game that Alan Wake is, and allowed you to catch up on what happened last time, or get excited for the next chapter. Using light as your weapon and sometimes only companion, Alan Wake kept you scared by always putting your feeble character in danger. Well done graphics and amazing physics help make for some really impressive action sequences. This should have been a multi-game franchise (and was planned to be), but because too few gave Wake a chance, his story will likely never be properly completed.

ModNation Racers (PS3, PSP)

This seemed like a sure-fire hit when it was originally revealed. Take the toy mod community idea and throw it on top of a kart racer, with player created tracks and cars. This could have been the only kart racer you’d ever need to buy again, with an ever-expanding amount of user-generated tracks and cars. Despite all the great ideas though, ModNation came out at a bad time and got drowned out by the noise of Red Dead Redemption and all the racing games being released at the same time (Split/Second, Blur). Maybe kart racers need marketable mascots to hit big, but it’s too bad that creativity wasn’t a big enough sell for this well done racer.

Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker (PSP)

Four player co-op through an entire mainline Metal Gear story is a great thought, and it’s exactly what Peace Walker delivers. Finally if you get caught by a guard, your blunder can be offset by a well placed sniper shot from a friend. Sneaking in tandem in a big cardboard box, or holding onto each other while you sneak up to an enemy are just some of the co-op specific scenarios present. Some people still get confused by what the Metal Gear series actually is (trust me, MGS1 was more talky and crazy than you may remember it to be), but for those that are long time fans of the series, there’s no reason to not buy MGS: Peace Walker. It’s not just the best entry on the PSP, it’s one of the best entries period.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold (Wii)

I love Arkham Asylum as much as the next guy (maybe even more), but I don’t have to have a brooding and  serious Batman experience to enjoy myself. The Brave and the Bold TV series harkens back to the days of Adam West playing Batman and brings with it all the silly and fun things that modern Batman tales leave out. The Wii game does an amazing job of capturing the look, sound and feel of the show and each series of levels are broken out like episodes of the show, complete with guest stars and opening sequences. The game itself plays like a brawler from the SNES era in the best way possible. When I was a kid and I imagined what games would be like in the future, Batman: The Brave and the Bold is what I thought it would look like.  2 player co-op and button mashing brawler gameplay make this easy game fun, even for adults.

Enslaved: Odyssey to the West (360, PS3)

Ninja Theory can’t catch a break. Their excellent PS3 exclusive Heavenly Sword didn’t sell to expectations and so they went out to make multi-platform titles. Enslaved is their first multi-platform title and by all accounts, it seems like it’s not selling anywhere near what it should be. Like Heavenly Sword, Enslaved keeps all the beautiful visuals and best in class mo-cap, along with some really well done sound and music. The game is definitely tuned to avoid failure, but if you’re the type of gamer that is more interested in the experience than the challenge, Enslaved is made for you. The game tries to be Uncharted mixed with Ninja Gaiden and it mostly succeeds.

Vanquish (360, PS3)

If Marcus Phoenix had rocket legs that allowed him to do the most bad ass rock n’ roll knee slide ever, than he’d look a lot like the main character in Vanquish. Essentially a quicker, more acrobatic, more Japanese Gears of War, Vanquish tries to appeal to the West by making a game that’s influenced by our best. But it still retains the over the top craziness of what makes Japanese developed games so great. Your main character smokes when he gets any free moment and rather than holding onto a gun, his arm just transforms into one. He also does flips while making giant robots eat missiles. Platinum games is no stranger to making great action games (Bayonetta, Mad World), so it shouldn’t come as any surprise that Vanquish is one fuck of a wild ride. It’s a short ride, but like most roller coasters, it’s one you’ll likely want to repeat again.

Majin and the Forsaken Kingdom (360, PS3)

If you ever wanted to befriend one of the characters of Where the Wild Things Are and have him help you solve puzzles and destroy any foe that got in your way, then Majin is made for you. The game plays out like a single player co-op experience (the Majin acting like your player 2). The story and gameplay work to make you feel close to the giant beast and he’s about as adorable as any giant can be. Like Enslaved, this game was also published by Namco Bandai and it’s too bad that within a month of its release, stores were cutting the price in half to get rid of it. If you’re a fan of Ico or games of that sort, you really should give Majin a chance.

Sengoku Basara: Samurai Heroes (Wii, PS3)

This game is huge in Japan. There are snacks, drinks, toys, anime and more based on the series. It’s a revolution that has helped popularize feudal era Japan to the modern Japanese populace. In the west though, Sengoku Basara will never be as big as Dynasty Warriors, despite having the same over the top army destroying action, and really fantastic re-imaginings of old warlords. What would Musashi look like if he had modern fashion sense, but old world means? This game lets you know, and while it won’t get you any points for accurate world history, I don’t need that, when I can surf on a giant robot samurai’s back. When you beat a general in the game, he explodes and sends any soldier near him flying into the air, in what looks like a human filled mini-nuclear explosion. The combat of the game is simple and fluid and even though I’m not typically into this sort of game, the combos and responsiveness of the controls, as well as the insanity on the screen, kept me interested.

*EDIT*

I must also point out that I was originally going to put Yakuza 3, Monster Hunter Tri and Darksiders on this list, but those games all hit at or above the meager expectations that the publishers had for them. Despite this, those games are all amazing in pretty different ways and deserve to have giant rabid fan bases across the globe.

Dish has the pick this month and he’d like you to try one of the games below:

This Month I picked the games with the theme “Games that Japan is bananas for, that the rest of the world mostly overlooks”. What about these games makes them a phenomenon in Japan and why are they not huge here?

SENGOKU BASARA: Dynasty Warriors meets Devil May Cry with modernized samurai

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YAKUZA 3: Open-world Brawler RPG focusing on the Japanese mafia

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MONSTER HUNTER TRI: Action RPG where you can make a sword from a monster’s spine

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.Which game should we check out?

This Month Adam picked these game because “I think I’m going with my original theme of ‘Games I started playing and really enjoyed but then got sidetracked and stopped playing for some reason’. With New Vegas, Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood & Fable III in my immediate future, I would like to focus on and commit to beating one of these games this month.”

Which game did you  miss the first time, or still haven’t completed that you’d like to play?

This Month’s 3 Choices Are:

Sinner’s Sandwich Recipe:

2 Slices of bread

Sliced turkey breast or turkey

Strawberry Jam

Cereal

Yes, it sounds like madness. Which is exactly why when I saw it in the game, I knew, just like Agent York that I had to try it for myself.

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.As you can see, this was a potentially daunting tasteventure. Either side of the sandwich looks great, but would they be good together?

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But Gil and I knew that once the sandwich was made, there was no turning back! So how did it taste? Honestly it was pretty damn delicious. We had a few virgin Sinner Sandwich fumbles though that we’d avoid when making the sandwich again. First of all, I would recommend using thick slices of turkey breast instead of deli meat turkey. Secondly, we only had mesquite flavor deli turkey breast in my house. I probably don’t need to explain why barbecue flavor and strawberry jam aren’t the ideal combination. The cereal we picked was great though! We used Honey Bunches of Oats and while we stayed away from the large slices of almonds, the crunch of the flakes and nut cluster really added to the complexity of the sandwich.

All and all, I’d say that like Deadly Premonition itself, the Sinner’s Sandwich is a complex experience that won’t be for everyone. But for those brave enough to try both, they may find a new favorite!

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